Wedding Regrets?
My cute neice Chelsie is getting married (REALLY SOON!) to this cute boy Justin.
I already mentioned them a while ago and how fun I find it to be around googly-eyed-in-love people. Makes me feel nostalgic and remember our own wedding as well as appreciate what I've got!
So I wanted to ask the question: what advice would you give newlyweds? (Not that newlyweds ever want advice, but if they did...) and what regrets do you have about your wedding or reception? (Let's keep it googly-eyed, here, people.)
Here's my easiest one: I would've kept the reception line to parents and us. That's it. I only ever talk to one of my bridesmaids (my maid of honor). The other two, I love them still but we don't really talk. It would've saved a little money and no one going through the line ever cares to learn, "This is my roommate, this is my roommate, this is my friend..." I can see maybe having siblings but that is it. Anyway, that is one of the pieces of advice I always give people that no one wants. What do you think?
#2: I think maybe short and sweet engagements would be best. We fought a lot during ours; it's not a time I look back on with great affection; it was 6 months long. We hardly ever fight now, I don't know what was up with the engagement period. Stress? (How is being engaged more stressful than being the parents of demanding children and owning homes and paying bills??)
#3: My most painful one to discuss even now, nearly 10 years later: not speaking up and getting the photographer I wanted and as a result not having any professional pictures taken at our wedding. (I guess there are two in there. Not speaking up applies to a few other decisions we made.) Pictures have always been so important to me and I have precious few of the one day you get to dress up together and be the star of the show. The ones I have, however are priceless.
What about you?
14 comments:
oooo... this is a great topic. here's my advice:
- don't be bullied around. if you don't want to have a line, don't have a line. because when you've been standing in said line for 3+ hours and your feet feel like they're going to crack into a million pieces and you've only had the chance to talk to your best friends who flew in from all over the country for a total of 30 seconds and spent the remaining portion of your wedding reception making nice with 600+ people you've never met in your life... you'll be wishing you just didn't have a line.
- have a schedule. if you want to cut the cake or have a dance or throw a bouquet, you better plan for it (especially if you're going to have a line) because there's never just going to miraculously be a convenient time to do it. so, be prepared to end the never-ending line, if you're going to have one.
- find the cake you really want, take some pictures and then go to a local grocery store bakery to have it made (dan's in kaysville did mine). this saved me a TON of money and it looked perfect.
- wear comfy shoes.
- make time for taking pictures all dressed up. prepare a list of the combinations of people/family you want to have pictures of ahead of time... though, there's really not much you can do about your photographer somehow deleting the only pictures of the bride's family all together.
- get a photographer you trust. and then don't trust them. :) have friends and/or family taking candids for you. some of my all time favorite pictures were the candids taken by my dad and my brother.
- get the dress you really want. i LOVED my dress. and since all i have left of my wedding is pictures of me in my dress, i'm really glad.
- like you said alison, be engaged for as short a time as possible. we were engaged for the worst 2.5 months of our entire relationship. keep it short and sweet.
- eat some food. plan for it. make it happen. you'll be starving by the end of the night if you don't.
- think of wedding invitations as an investment. send as many as you can... and don't forget the people who can't actually come. we furnished our apartment, stocked our kitchen and lived off gift cards for the first 6 months of our marriage. trust me, send lots. you won't regret it.
and last but not least...
- when the day comes, don't stress. leave all the details and concerns to other people. make sure they're well prepared and know what's going on, but leave it to them.
congrats alison's neice, chelsie! :) enjoy it!
woah... that was way longer than i thought it was going to be. hahaha. sorry. :)
my advice.
~be organized. get help, because you tend to forget the little details.
~know what you want. Don't let someone tell you to do something that you don't want to do. It's your wedding.
~get a great photographer. and don't put dispoable cameras out, we did that and i got so many of the same picture and then of kids being goofballs. Have your friends bring their cameras, along with a photographer.
~Enjoy your day, if something goes wrong, let someone else take care of it. In fact, you shouldn't be aware if anything goes wrong.
~Don't spend a butt load of money, what's the point of going into debt, or letting your parents, for that matter. You will have a hard enough time paying for things than worrying about paying for your wedding for what seems like forever.
I was lucky enough to bid on a complete wedding package at a silent auction for $500. It included a cake, music, invitations, flowers, a nights stay at a hotel and even a wedding dress, which I sold and got all my money back. Everything turned out beautiful and all of it was done by proffessionals.
Speaking of a photographer, I know a great one that is totally amazing!! check out his website
www.mjmorganphoto.com :):)
Check it out for reals!
OK...Wedding Advice:
1. I totally agree with the photographer being top priority. The one I wanted was expensive, but I knew that I could trust him and that I'd love my pictures. It was really the only thing me and my parents "fought" over and even then we didn't really fight. They were just upset about the fact that I hired someone so expensive without talking to them first. But I also feel like I paid for a lot of my own wedding (happily, I might add. Although my parents might have a different memory of the wedding finances!) so I don't feel that guilty about it. I was even willing to forego a cake (I wasn't too into that tradition) so I could get the photographer of my choice, but my mom still wanted the cake, so I got both.
2. I really just enjoyed my day. I remember not feeling stressed at all--I was so happy to be marrying my prince charming that I thought, "Nothing can go wrong to ruin this day--the most important part was the temple and it went beautifully, so the rest is just icing on the cake."
and finally:
3. If you are having a 2nd reception the day after your wedding night, be um, "conservative" in your wedding night activities. Hickies don't look good in wedding pictures.
Now, NEWLYWED advice. I was just thinking about this the other day. I think that what helps our marriage the most is when we are able to overlook the little day-to-day annoyances, like not replacing toilet paper, or not rinsing out cereal bowls, etc. It's when we are nitpicking with each other that we really start to get bugged and let the small stuff fog our view of the great stuff our spouses do.
Alison, I LOVE reading your blog! Seriously. My heart skips a beat whenever you post.
Anyway, my advice.... DON'T HAVE A STUPID LINE!!!! It was the biggest waste of time, money and emotional stress...
My other advice, when your parents offer to give you money to go to Vegas or something instead of a huge wedding.... TAKE IT!!! and run. I know. No newlyed want to hear that, but seriously, i wish I would have taken my mom up on that.
It's funny... looking back, I think to myself, " now, why in the world did we have that reception?" Why was that such the main focus of the whole day? Had I known then what I know now about what a marriage actually is, I would have laughed at the idea of my husband and I having a huge reception. I would have just kept the people that count around me... that's where the memories are and always will be. Do regret my reception? Not exactly. But that was 10 years ago. I'm not the same person I was back then. We can't tell newlyweds, "don't do this or you have to do that". They'll figure it out just like the rest of us. That's why we are here... to figure it out. But, because I did get married and had the whole reception, line, cake, and photographer thing, I don't have to figure it all out by myself. He's right there with me and that's what it's all about. (clap, clap):)
I was given the option of a reception, or taking the cash and having an awesome honeymoon...I took the reception...I was kind of bullied into it. I can honestly say that the reception was lame. I didn't want to be there, my spouse didn't want to be there. We both would have much rather taken the money. Not everyone will be given the choice...so...
Don't do a line. I did my cake cutting, bouquet tossing, present opening before the reception. But I was married at 4 and reception at 6...no time to really "go anywhere." But at the end when we were ready to leave we were able to just go. We didn't have to worry about all the "traditions." They were already taken care of. So I guess that's my advice. Throw the bouquet, toss the garter, cut the cake, open the presents, and then line up or mingle or whatever you choose.
Oh yeah...little white sneakers will be heaven in your eyes at the end of the day. High heels are pretty, but horrid...get some little sneaks and save your feet.
ELOPE.
Could not agree more about the photographer. I was trying to save my parents money, and we didn't do a professional, and I SO wish we would've. We have very few formal shots, and I also wish we would've had a video.
I agree don't get pushed around, do what you want.
Now, as far as the line. I could not agree more. Quin and I had our parents, (keep in mind we both come from divorces, so there were step-parents too) and 5 friends for EACH of us. That was a LONG freaking line. Although I still talk to most of the people from my line, I think they would've felt equally happy just coming and hanging out that night.
And we were engaged for 6 weeks, and that was PLENTY long. Short is best.
I also think having the reception and the wedding day separate was GREAT. It gave me more than one fun day in my dress, and a lot less stress on the wedding day. I loved that.
LOVE YOU, and your fun topics!
i've never had a deisre for a huge reception... both of my sisters had big ones and they were both a cranky & irritable. so i didn't. elope and have a small family bbq to celebrate. :)
I have a few regrets. One the line- everyone agrees, no line!! Second, I didn't even get to taste my goodies or even see the display of goodies. Third, we helped clean up a litte instead of just leaving. It was a long day. I am so grateful for all the pics that we have, professional and from Morgan. They are all great.
As for newlywed advise...let your parents go. By that I mean don't call them all the time wanting help with stuff. Figure it out yourself. The best thing we did was move away and be on our own.
Fun Qeustion- Thanks Al
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