Cydnie
A demonstration of how I may not be holding it all together.
I got home from work today, irritated, as usual. I find it a little hard to turn off my job right away when I get home - I'm hoping that's not a personality flaw but something that will come with time.
I was a little on-edge, I'll admit, when I got home from a hectic afternoon at work and was trying to immediately prepare things for dinner guests. Sadie had already had a meltdown when she was supposed to go to a friends' house after school and had lost her permission slip and they wouldn't let her on the bus. Then Sadie and Cydnie had a fight over a ribbon that ended in hair-pulling. There were already a lot of tears and I had only been home 20 minutes! Cydnie started following me around the kitchen saying, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, MOM I NEED HELP MOM I NEED HELP MOM I NEED HELP!!" I told Cyd I would do it in a minute - I was busy right then.
After a few minutes she brings me this post-it note with scribbled message on it, sticks it on the counter in front of where I'm working and walks off in a huff. When I get a free minute I went to her room and said, "So what does this note say?"
"It says I wish I had diffwent pawwents because you don't listen vewy well."
Ow. That hurt. I've been a little unstable now for a couple of weeks anyway and it really did hit me hard.
It turned out all Cydnie wanted was for me to put some clothes on her doll. It would've taken me 2 seconds of my precious salad-making time to put them on her and make her feel special.
I've been working full-time now for 8 months and thought I was going to get the hang of it - going to get it all together. Maybe some girls just aren't cut out for all that, huh.
5 comments:
I don't know how you do it! I think you are an amazing mom, just so you know. I don't have to put up with crap at work all day and I still can't seem to find time to juggle it all. I mean seriously what do I really do all day!?! But I think every parent has days like that. I realized how much I ignore my kids when I overheard little Ava telling Luke, "Just a minute Wukie!!! JUUUST AAAA MIIINUTE!"(Nice right.) I think the trick is...well I don't know what the trick is to dropping it all to focus on them when you are pulled in so so many other pressing directions. Let me know when you figure it out! :) Love ya! Oh, if it makes you feel any better Ava still takes about you all the time. She would probably trade me for you in heartbeat. ;)
I truly don't think there ever is any "getting the hang of it" because your heart is always wanting to be home. You are doing an amazing job, you are a great mom. Someone who was less than you wouldn't have even been affected by what she said. So all you can do, is just keep being you and try again the next day. And don't be so hard on yourself. You are under no small amount of stress in your job, and it's really hard to just leave at the door. Love you lots. You're amazing.
Hang in there Al.
i hear ya babe... not a week goes by that i dont feel like the worlds crappiest mom for some reason or another.
and i dont envy you for having to work away from your kids- your a saint. after 5 years of owning my vintage clothing business things are slowing down. a lot. but we live in a duel income world so i'm always racking my brain to stay at home...hence the photography business.
hang in there. kids are very resilient and forgiving. something will happen to make it all fall into place for you.
love you,julie.
Nice. You just made me cry a little. I feel the same way. Last night I bought a new game to play with my girls as soon as Alix got home from school. (Mostly because they have been neglected lately...and not so lately too!) Guess what. She came home and life happened. I forgot that I would still need to make dinner and Andi would still follow me around crying and people would still call. Hmmm. Maybe I should turn off my ringer from 4 to 5, have dinner in the crockpot and actually play with Andi.
...someday I'll be supermom...not!
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